Red Light, Green Light

I hit the red last week. And when I say I hit the red, I mean I ran into a wall of red that had me huddled on the floor of my living room, texting my wife and asking her to come home from work because I needed help.

Let me back up a bit.

Conveniently I’ve already written about traffic lights. Let’s keep it simple: green means go. All systems go. Operating at peak performance.

Red means the opposite. Most of the time people operate in some shade of yellow which is the big space between the two.

In my work as a coach, I’ve worked with athletes for over a decade in identifying their green, the triggers that put them in the yellow or the red, and strategies to navigate these states to get back into the green.

I’ve also worked with coaches to identify their own traffic light states, because coaches can just as easily be in “the zone” or grinding along like any athlete.

More and more, I’ve thought of these states beyond the competitive arena.

More and more I’ve thought of how I can take this traffic light theory and apply it to different areas of a person’s life: their profession, their hobbies, their relationships…

I didn’t hit the red as a coach. I didn’t even hit the red as a parent or as a husband. I hit the red as a human struggling with his own value and and sense of self-worth.

Even writing this, I hesitate and second-guess myself before hitting publish.

Because I’m a coach – someone that everyone relies on to have shit figured out, to guide them through their own struggles.

As if that means I’m not allowed to have struggles of my own.

And it’s the carrying of this weight that probably brought me down into that hole. Coming face to face with my own doubts, fears and incredibly negative thoughts.

Weirdly, since that Thursday morning – and my therapy appointment later that day – I’ve felt lighter. As if simply acknowledging this weight was enough to make it easier to bear.

I’m not writing this with some sort of wisdom or advice to offer. I’m still navigating this for myself. I’m writing this to share it. So that people reading it can possibly see themselves in it and know they’re not alone.

We all share a similar struggle. We all hit the red from time to time. It can take many forms.

Take the time you need. Reach for the people you need. Climb back to the yellow, search for the green.

We’re in it together.