You Are What You Do

There are going to be people out there that hate this blog title. They’re going to read it and immediately say to that your job description isn’t who you are. Sure.

Allow me to explain.

Who are you? Who am I?

Last week, I met with a potential client for blog content. For the first time in my life, I introduced myself as a writer first, and a coach second.

This was a big step for me. At that moment, it felt like I was leaving a big piece of me behind. It almost felt like a betrayal of myself.

In the days that followed, I realized that I’m not losing my coaching identity; I’m just finally acknowledging the importance of my writing identity.

It’s always been there, in the background. Only now I’m letting it shine.

You are what you do

And this is where I come to my take on identity. Admittedly, it’s still in its development phase.

When someone asks who I am, I’ve linked that answer to bowling my entire life. Whether as an athlete, an employee or owner of a bowling-related business, or as a coach.

Now in my forties, “bowling coach” is just one of the things that describes me. I can also be described as a writer, a husband, a dad and a geek (not a nerd – there’s a difference.)

Who I am is a combination of many different roles. I think where people get confused (and where I certainly have been) is tying your identity to one particular role.

Who you are is not just one thing you do. It’s all the things you do.

We’re all multi-hyphenates

Listen, I’m as skeptical as anyone when I see an online influencer bio of about 6 different jobs. But what if these bios are actually more accurate in their own self-promoting, personal-branding, look-at-me sort of way?

Maybe we learn from them and recognize that we’re all multi-hyphenates. No one wears the same hats, but we all wear more than one.

Coach the person, not the athlete

In sports, this myopic self-perception becomes especially apparent.

One of the worst things I see in sport is a kid (or adult) tying their identity so closely to their sport that every competition influences their sense of self. I was that kid. It is an emotional life-or-death struggle every time.

My approach in coaching has always been to coach the individual. To recognize and encourage the things they do away from their sport to help foster balance.

Recognize all your facets

My own experience with a tightly-wound one-dimensional identity and my coaching approach have lead me down this path of recognizing how multi-faceted we are.

We’re not just one role or sport or job. But if we look at all the things we do, we can get a pretty good idea of who we are as a complete person. What’s that quote about containing multitudes? Life is complex. For example:

• I’m a writer. I always have been. I just haven’t ever put it out there at the forefront of my own self-perception despite writing countless coaching articles and manuals.
• I’ve coached World Champions (and I plan on coaching more). That doesn’t go away. It simply informs my next evolution as I prioritize writing beyond the scope of my sport.
• I love 80’s toys, puzzles and Lego. Building Lego has been a hobby of mine and I’ve used puzzles and Lego as a coaching tool several times in the past.

This list could go on and on, with plenty of threads tying them all together. Or maybe a brick-building metaphor would be more à propos? Either way I hope you’re getting the idea.

Who are you? Look at all the things you do and how they relate to each other. You’ll get a clear picture.